Inspired by former cyclist Pete Earlam, by Tom Clancy's _Armored Cav_,
and by various laws and trends:


Car Driver:  Gets out of car.  "Sorry.  I didn't see you."

Cyclist:  Groans in pain.  "How could you not see me?  It's broad
daylight, I'm wearing bright dayglo reflective colors, and I had
front and rear lights on.  My bike is destroyed.  I think some bones
are broken.  I'm bleeding.

Car Driver:  "Well, you shouldn't have been out in the middle of the
road.  Don't you know it's rush hour?  People have to get to work.  Why
don't you go play on the bike trail?  Aren't you a little old to be
playing with bikes, anyway?  Well, since you don't seem to be seriously
hurt, I really must be on my..."


Car Driver:  "My car!  You destroyed my car!"

Police:  "All right.  What's going on here?"

Car Driver:  "That tank just ran over my car!"

Tank Driver:  "Sorry.  I didn't see you."

Car Driver:  "How could you not see me?  It's broad daylight.  The car
was bright orange.  My lights were on."

Tank Driver:  "I guess I just wasn't looking for cars.  What were you
doing out in the middle of the road, anyway?  At least nobody was hurt."

Cyclist:  Bleeds to death.  Nobody notices.

Car Driver:  "Nobody hurt?  My child was in the back seat!"

Police:  "Your child was in that car?  I'm going to have to cite you for
that.  Child endangerment is a very serious crime."

Car Driver:  "How can you cite me?  That tank just came out of nowhere
and crushed my car!"

Police:  "I know it sounds strange.  But there's a precedent.  Back in
the 90s, several states passed laws against cyclists carrying children
in rear trailers, after one or two children were killed by careless
motorists.  Actually, this child endangerment law has one exemption --
it doesn't apply to motorists who protested that law against children
in bike trailers.  But we both know you didn't protest it.  No motorist

Tank Driver:  "Officer, may I be on my way?  I'll be late for work."

Police:  "Sure.  I see that your papers are all in order.  Registration.
License.  Internal passport.  Drug-free pledge.  Socialist inSecurity.
Hillary MediCard.  Try to keep an eye out for cars."

Tank Driver:  "I will."  Drives off in a cloud of thick black smoke and
noise, inadvertantly crushing two parked cars, which nobody notices.

Car Driver:  "But how am I supposed to transport my child if I can't do
it in a car?  I can't afford a tank."

Police:  "I don't know.  What did those cyclists do when child trailers
were banned?  I guess they went out and bought cars, even if it meant
no more money for vacations, books, music, theater, movies, fine food,
the net, hobbies, dating, Christmas gifts, or charity work.  People have
to get their priorities in order.  Anyhow, I see that this isn't your
first offense.  Just last month you ran a red light."

Car Driver:  "That light was stuck permanently on red.  There's a
sensor, but it's only triggered by tanks."

Police:  "Well, naturally.  If they made the sensors sensitive enough
to pick up cars, they might be triggered by tanks in the next lane.
Then lights would cycle when they don't need to, and traffic would
be needlessly slowed down.  You should have either waited for a tank
to come along and trigger it for you, or else gotten out of your
car, waited for a gap in traffic, and pushed your car through the
intersection.  Since this is your second traffic offense, I'm going
to have to confiscate your car."

Car Driver:  "Go right ahead and confiscate it.  It's so much worthless
rubbish now."

Police:  "You're welcome to keep the rubbish.  We'll be confiscating
your insurance payment for it."

Car Driver:  "But how can you do that?  Don't I get a trial?  I need
that money.  How am I to get anywhere?  With tax rates what they are,
I barely have enough to live on."

Police:  "It was considered too much of a burden on the court system to
have jury trials for minor traffic offenses.  Do you have any idea how
many times motorists were dragged in front of a judge?  No, the state
has *two* precedents for this.  It's long been accepted that cyclists
who break traffic laws can have their bikes confiscated on the spot,
with no chance for appeal.  And it's also long been accepted that it's
ok to confiscate cars of people suspected of breaking minor victimless
crime laws, such as drug laws.  As for taxes, naturally they had to be
raised, to make the roads wide enough for tanks, to buy tanks, fuel,
maintenance, garages, and tank parking for state local, and federal
agencies, and to repave the torn up pavement every week.  But it was
worth it.  No more long lines of cars in a traffic jam -- tanks can just
drive right over top of each other.  And no more drive-by shootings
either -- bullets just bounce right off.  And of course nobody can
car-jack a tank.  What were you doing in the middle of the road,
anyway?  Don't you know it's rush hour?"

Car Driver:  "But cars have a perfect right to use the public roads.
Paved roads were *built* for cars."

Police:  "Technically, you're correct, you do have the right to be
stupid and play in the street.  But don't be surprised when you get
hurt.  As for who paved roads were built for, the oldest ones were
built for pedestrians and cyclists.  The newest ones were built for
tanks.  The ones in between were orginally meant mainly for cars, yes,
but that doens't matter.  All that matters is what the people *today*
want.  And the great majority have chosen tanks.  However, there's a
special road reserved for cars not far from here.  Why weren't you on

Car Driver:  "You mean the county recreational shared trail?  It doesn't
go anywhere near where I live or where I work, that's why.  Besides,
it's always clogged with cyclists and pedestrians.  It's impossible to
go more than 20 mph, even if the pavement was maintained, plowed, and
kept clear of broken glass.  Last time I was on it I got a flat tire.
Also, tank drivers aren't aware of it and careen right through the
intersections with the tank roads without looking."

Police:  "Well, I don't have all day to chat.  I don't know why you'd
want to exceed 20 mph.  Get that rubbish out of the road in ten minutes,
or I'll give you another ticket.  If you really have no money, our state
has a fine WorkFare system.  Three hots and a cot in return for your
labor for the state.  Where do you think we get the labor for the
constant street repaving?"