No One Worships Judy Kindell As A Goddess

Minutes for June 1, 2001

By Lee Strong

 

Evidently Not Judy

The regular First Friday business meeting convened at 9:15 p.m. 1 June 2001.  President Judy Kindell declared, "I'm starting the meeting."  No one worshipped her as a goddess.  She is the IRS point of contact for a controversial tax regulation change and people suspected that she was taking away their rights.  She announced that the Second Amendment includes a right to wear sleeveless shirts.

 

Club Business

Lee Strong played Sam Lubell today.

Treasurer Bob MacIntosh announced that we have $1,013.20 in the Treasury.  We are still above one kay in dollars.  "Not much longer," anticipated Bob.

Alexis Gilliland, Chair of the Entertainment Committee, announced that the Committee was going to New Zealand.  The New Zealanders are concerned about global warming.  They are proposing a tax on the emissions of cows and sheep.  It will be a flat tax.  Lee Gilliland suggested that it would be more of a flatulence tax.

Bob MacIntosh, Chair of Capclave Present, announced 20 memberships and 69 scholarships.  Judy Shiner made a nice Capclave banner suitable for many 'claves to come.  It was hanging behind the President tonight.  The club applauded Judy's work.  Please start renting rooms at the hotel.  Renting early will strengthen our hand in negotiating for future contracts.

Mike Nelson, Chair of Capclave Future, said "Yes."  In addition, he should contact his potential Guest of Honor.

Mike stated that Michael Walsh, Chair of WSFA's World Fantasy Con 2003 bid, and Elspeth Kovar, are looking for hotels for said con.  The bidding procedure for World Fantasy Cons is different from that of science fiction Worldcons in that World Fantasy has a board of directors that make the final decision.  Mike asked Mike to create a Website to impress the Board.  This Website will be announced at a future WSFA meeting.  The club applauded Mike's fantasy.

There was no other committee reports, Trustee reports, or Old Business.

In New Business, Eric Jablow suggested keeping a publicly available membership list.  Alexis and Eric will work one up.

Bob suggested that we roll the upcoming Fifth Friday into the Fourth of July celebration.  Unanimously agreed.

Announcements

Lee Strong mangled the traditional announcement about announcements.

Lee Gilliland noted that both Lee Strong and she were sitting to the left of the President, creating two "Lees on the Left."  Lee Strong looked uncomfortable but someone pointed out that he was only moderately leftist.

Lee Gilliland announced that residents of Francine, Missouri objected to teaching non-English languages since "English was good enough for Jesus."

Sam Pierce announced that 2 growlers of bheer were available.  Mike Nelson said he'd drink to that.

Mike announced a meeting of the Baltimore SMOFS at 1 p.m. 10 June 2001 in the BSFS Clubhouse.  Mike will not be there as he will be at the Kennedy Center to see his daughter perform Little Shop of Horrors, which is up for an Obie award.

Rebecca Prather would like a female roommate for Capclave.  Please contact her at (703) 534-2274.  The Fairfax Library has presentations on searching the Internet and getting information on investing.

Marty Gear wants to put WSFAns to work.  Apparently, we're wandering around aimlessly.

Eric announced that a 13 episode cartoon version of Battlefield Earth is in production, and that Entertainment Weekly interviewed Samuel Delaney.

Keith Lynch refuted Marty's concern, stating that he had helped to tear down Balticon.  There are a record number of events on the June 2001 WSFA Webpage including Ben Bova and Arthur C. Clarke; a transhumanist meeting in Crystal City; and a filk con, Conterpoint IV, in Rockville, Maryland.  Keith Henson was arrested in Canada on charges related to his allegedly threatening the California Church of Scientology with nuclear weapons.  Hank Ketchum, creator of Dennis the Menace, died recently.  In his honor, Keith proposed a moment of chaos and confusion.  Additional information on transhumanism can be found on Website http://www.transhumanist.org/#transhumanism and additional information on Keith Henson can be found on Web page http://www.operatingthetan.com/.

Alexis announced that 3 fantasy authors from Down Under will be at the Bailey's Crossroads Borders bookstore starting at 7:30 p.m. 8 June 2001.  The 3 are Jacqueline Carey, Juliet, Marillier, and Sara Douglas.

The club unanimously adjourned at 9:31. No attendance was taken.

 

Thus Filked Zarathustra: Review of Conterpoint Four

By Keith Lynch

 

Conterpoint Four, the Eleventh Floating Northeast Filk Convention, was held in Montgomery County Maryland on Friday June 22nd through Sunday the 24th.  It was the first filk convention I've ever been to.

It was a half hour walk beyond the Shady Grove Metro Station, the most distant Metro Station from downtown DC.  The neighborhood contained farms, empty land, buildings with vast parking lots, and plenty of construction in progress.

The hotel, the Woodfin Suites, felt more like a motel than a hotel. It is nestled between I-270 and Picard Drive, and isn't close to anything except a sparse array of office building campuses with high-tech company names.  It's only three stories tall, and every sleeping room is on an outdoor corridor, either one facing the outside, or one facing the outdoor swimming pool that the hotel is built around.  Many (all?) rooms are true suites, with a separate living room (with kitchenette) and bedroom.

            The convention was small, with a total attendance of about 90.  There were only two function rooms, which could be combined into one by moving a partition.  Most of the time there was only one program item going on.  Some of the program items involved one or a few people giving a performance.  Others consisted of jam sessions in which everyone was invited to sing or strum along.  There was also a lecture on music theory and a few other talks.

There was an auction to benefit Interfilk, which I gather is a group similar to TAFF for making it possible for filkers to attend filk conventions they otherwise couldn't afford.   On Saturday night there was a banquet.  Tickets were available at extra cost.

            As has been the case at cons for the past decade or so, I spent most of the time in the con suite, engaged in random conversations.  The con suite was run by a woman named Chastity Chuang, who had never been to a con before, and wasn't really into fandom, SF, or filking.  In addition to keeping soft drinks on ice in the bathtub, and having a wide variety of munchies and fresh fruit and vegetables available, she kept baking cakes, mousse, lasagna, and other things.

            Wires were strung so that music from the main function room was piped into the con suite and into one of the two sleeping rooms that dealers were selling out of.  There was no real dealers room and no art show.   The dealers were Tales from the White Hart, and Southern Fried Filk LLC.  Both were mostly selling CDs.  The Southern Fried Filk room was way in the back where it was hard to find.  Plus, it was closed most of the time.  Finally, the proprietor, Michael Liebmann, brought most of his merchandise to the Con Suite, and sold out of there.  I bought a CD called "Screams of the Vegetables," which was recorded at Bucconeer in '98, and contained a song about Disclave '97.

            Steve Brinich was the con chair.  The guests were Michael Longcor, Dr. H. Paul Shuch (better known as Dr. SETI), and "Downtown" Freddy Brown.  Dr. SETI sang (and played his guitar) about his SETI League, in which people all over the world (or at least those parts of the world without strict anti-big-antenna zoning laws) are engaged in searching for extraterrestrial intelligence, without government, corporate, or academic involvement.

            Of the 90 members, about 20 had at least one guitar with them. There was also a harp, and a few other instruments.  The hotel lobby contained a grand piano, but it got little use, perhaps because it was out of tune.  One member who is a professional piano tuner regretted not bringing his tools with him.  The 90 members came from as far away as Atlanta, New Hampshire, and Toronto.

            There were two WSFA members at the con besides myself.  Bernard Bell, and (on Saturday only) Adrienne Ertman.  There was a freebie table containing flyers for upcoming conventions.  Unfortunately, none of us thought to bring Capclave flyers. Perhaps it's just as well, since most of the flyers were for filk- oriented cons, such as GAFilk, FilkOntario, Contata, and OVFF.  I did hand out several WSFA/Capclave business cards, but I got lots of questions about how filk-friendly we were.  Questions I couldn't answer, except by pointing out that more filks had been written about the last Disclave than about any other con, and that the Conterpoint con chair, Steve Brinich, had been in charge of filk at the last Disclave, and Gary Ehrlich, another Conterpoint member, had been in charge of filk at several other recent Disclaves.  Steve Brinich volunteered to be in charge of Filk at Capclave.  I'll add him to our web page after confirming at the next WSFA meeting that this is ok.

            I discovered that the reputation of filkers of staying up all night is greatly exaggerated.  On Friday night, I was the last one still up at 3:30 am.  (I decided to spend the night, since I didn't want to walk back to the Metro station in pouring rain.)  On Saturday night (when the weather was better) I left at 1:00 am, so I can't say how late people stayed up.  On Sunday night, I was the last one up at 1:00 am.  There were no room parties, and no Worldcon bids or other bids.  Some people did hang out in a room until 1:00 am on Sunday (by which time the "Dead Politician Party" in the con suite had already wound down), but it wasn't announced, and there was no food or drink there.

            A copy of the songbook Thus Filked Zarathustra was given to each

convention member.

            I don't know when or where the previous ten Floating Northeast Filk Conventions were, or how it's decided when or where the next one will be.  I didn't see any signs of bidding or voting. I enjoyed the convention, and plan to attend the next one like it

that's in this area.

Closure

By Lee Strong

 

            The chairperson glanced at the agenda and groaned inwardly.  He looked up at the clock, hoping for escape and finding none.  Just minutes to go before the official end of the day, but the expletive deleted computers monitoring the meeting would flag any attempt to quit early.  Staying late was O.K., but leaving early was forbidden.  Might as well go thru the motions for the next few minutes.  He could see that the other attendees had reached the same conclusion.

            "The next item on the agenda is 02-9-5-17, Definition of Information Service.  This item was originally put on the agenda September 5, 2002.  Julie, you had the floor when we adjourned debate last time."  He leaned back in his chair, starting to phase out until time ran out.  With two exceptions, the other committee members were initiating the same bureaucratic survival technique.

            The woman representing the Bureau of Information Assessment leaned forward, "Tom, I think we have good news.  Diane and I reached a little agreement over lunch.  Information Assessment officially withdraws its objection to the definition proposed by Information Resources.  Right, Diane?"  She looked at her longstanding rival, who nodded her head wearily.

            Tom came upright in his chair.  "Diane, is this right?"

            The chief of Information Resources nodded again.  "Yeah, and we're going to agree with Information Assessment on item 02-9-6-04 when it comes up."

            Tom's energy spiked.  "Great!  The chair takes Julie's comment as a motion to approve item 02-9-5-17 and Diane's as a second.  All in favor?"  There was a suddenly enthusiastic chorus of Aye's.  "Any opposed?"  For the first time in the chair's memory, there was silence.  "Great!  Unanimously approved!"

            Just then, the clock chimed, signaling the official end of another official day.  Tom rushed on, "If there are no objections, we can call it quits."  He looked around the room, finding none.  "O.K., people.  Item 02-9-5-17 is closed.  We'll pick up the next item at eight o'clock, day after tomorrow, March 26, 2056.  Meeting adjourned."   

 

FANZINES

By Ted White

 

Fanzines are a basic part of science fiction fandom, having been in existence as long as fandom itself .  All fanzines are published as a hobby and lose money.  Their editors appreciate money to defray their expenses and sometimes list single-copy or subscription prices, but they appreciate even more your written response - a Letter of Comment.  Check out the fanzines below and broaden your participation in fandom.

::

THE RELUCTANT FAMULUS (Tom Sadler, 422 W. Maple Ave., Adrian, MI 49221-1627; e-mail to tomfamulus@dmci.net; available for trades, contributions, letters of comment or $3.00 a copy)

 

This is a fanzine which takes unique advantage of modern technology: it is not only put together with a computer, it's printed out in color.  I would have guessed from appearances that each page came slowly out of a color inkjet printer, but editor Sadler mentions in passing that he now has "a brand new and, I hope, reliable copier."  This issue - #56 - enjoys another unique quality: it's dated "Winter, 1999/2000/2001," reflecting the gap between beginning and finishing this issue.  This allows Sadler to write a closing editorial which brackets the whole "Y2K" hoopla, starting with his engagement in the process of Y2K compliance for the City of Adrian, his employer.

 

Sadler is editorially more concerned with his family genealogy, and describes his journey of discovery of his family's past history in TRF's opening pages. Robert Sabella devotes his column, "The Caustic Eye," to Greg Benford's non-fiction book, Deep Time.  Gene Stewart (who seems to turn up in half the fanzines I review) writes a fairly serious installment of his column, "Brother Butch's Rat Stew," mostly concerning nationalism and its consequences.  (We science fiction fans have Broad Mental Horizons, of course, and transcend petty nationalism - don't we?)  The late Ken Cheslin contributes "Part One" of his "Memoirs of a BOF," which ends abruptly (mid-sentence), and is followed by four pages of his cartoons, of which it can be charitably stated that Ken was not much of an artist. 

 

Someone who was an artist, and who has also died while this issue was in preparation, is the late Joe Mayhew, whose "My First Nomination (No Previous Confictions)" is a report of his trip to the 1990 Worldcon in Holland.  The title refers to the fact that he received his first Fan Artist Hugo nomination at that convention (and eventually won his first Hugo a few years later).  Editor Sadler contributes "A Fannish Adventure: The Bookstore," a work of fiction.  Sheryl Birkhead is another artist, but her "No Hot or Cold Anything"  reads like a letter to her family and friends, detailing problems with her house.  Mark Bovard's "A Year Out Here" is subtitled "Life in the Rural Midwest," which sums it up well.  The last contribution is Mark Fulmer's review of One For Sorrow,  a historical mystery written by the fannish husband and wife team of Mary Reed & Eric Mayer - one of the most appropriate book reviews I've seen in a fanzine in a long time.

 

Sadler packs a lot into TRF's 40 pages, although this issue lacks a letter column, and he makes the fanzine very much a personal artifact of his own.  We can only hope he's back on schedule and #57 won't require as long a wait.

::

DEROGATORY REFERENCE (Arthur D. Hlavaty, 206 Valentine St., Yonkers, NY 10704-1814; e-mail to hlavaty@panix.com; available for arranged trade, letter of comment or $1.00)

 

DR (which sometimes stands for different words, at editor Hlavaty's whim) has reached 97 issues in the course of the last couple of decades, and usually consists of editor-written material plus the occasional letter of comment (there are two - from John Fast and Jo Walton - in #97) in a half dozen or so double-columned pages.  Hlavaty is a literate fan of both The Illuminatus and football and his commentary is always readable and sometimes provocative.  He advertises no schedule, but DR arrives frequently, a kind of Hlavaty Letter for fankind.

Spitting in the Cat's Mouth

 

The 6/15 meeting began with Lydia showing off her captive fairies fireflies. San Pierce said , "Let's have a meeting.  It's 9:15.  We're having a meeting.  Is everyone here?"  Lee answered, "Everyone important."  Sam P continued, "Our president is being treated to an evening at Wolftrap by our treasurer.  Now we know where our money went."  Alexis said, "At least it wasn't wasted."

Sam L. said, "Minutes are in the Journal.  I wasn't there at the last meeting."  Lee for the Entertainment Committee reported that Jim Carrey will be Zaphod Beeblebrox in the Hitchhiker's Guide movie."  She read a list of other upcoming movies. Sam L. for publications reported that the site is back up.  Sam L. reported that the June 2001 issue marked the end of his fifth year doing the Journal (I started with the July 1996 issue because then-secretary Joe Mayhew was in the hospital and I just kept going and going...)  Mike Walsh said, "And for good behavior he only has to do it five more years."  Alexis for the Entertainment Committee reported that the president called Africa a country.  Japan is worried about economy but is growing watermelons in jars.  In Georgetown, after fires and exploding manhole covers, the had beltway traffic rerouted through it."

For new business Sam L. asked about June's Fifth Friday.  The club decided that that instead of a Fifth Friday we'd have a Fourth Party as the club was invited to John and Kathei's annual Fourth of July party.  Lee corrected the email address for Alexis.  It is wizenbeak@hotmail.com.  There was no more new business.

Erica reported that her cat caught four mice in the garage.  Alexis asked if there was also a little carriage made from a pumpkin.  Erica said that if you spit in a cat's mouth, it makes the cat swallow.  Mike Walsh will be the fan guest of honor at Conquest.  He will be sharing the convention with Connie Willis.  Many club members recommended the movie Shrek. 

The meeting adjourned at 9:30. 

Attendance: VP Sam Pierce, Sec. Samuel Lubell, Trust. Lee Gilliland, Trust Eric Jablow, Sheri Bell, Adrienne Ertman, Alexis Gilliland, Erica Ginter, Cathy Green, Liza Kessler, Bradford Lyau, Keith Lynch, Keith Marshall, George Shaner, Michael Taylor, Michael Walsh, Andrew Williams, Ivy Yap, Sally Hand, Ron Kean, Rob Thornton, H.P. Lovecraft.

 

Review of Roger Zelazny and Jane Lindskold's Lord Demon

By Samuel Lubell

 

I have an innate distrust of big name-little name collaborations.  Usually the big name contributes an idea or perhaps just a plot summary, leaving the little name to do the actual writing.  With a posthumous collaboration, the big name may just have left notes or even a title (the dust jacket here merely says "prior to his untimely death he began--and left unfinished--two extraordinary novels".)  However, I enjoyed Jane Lindskold's Changer (a fantasy novel that crosses King Arthur living in America with the Native American Coyote/Trickster mythos) so picked up Lord Demon (Avon Eos, 1999) at a semester's-over-I-have-time-to-read library binge.  And I'm quite glad I did.  This book, while completely independent, has much of the Amber feel.

The premise is that demons and gods are real and live in planes adjacent to modern Earth.  The gods conquered the demons' homeland, rich in the chi that both gods and demons use to power their magic, and exiled them to a lesser plane.  Since the demons' plane exited at China they have picked up a lot of Chinese customs and mannerism.  The Lord Demon of the title is also known as the Godslayer but has spent much of the last five millenniums making bottles with special qualities.  Some demons live in these bottles (wouldn't that make them genies) and they have their own gates to the demon dimension and to Earth.     

The plot begins when the Lord Demon's human servant is murdered.  In his investigation of why and what is really going on he fights duels, kills another god, is betrayed, is turned human, and ultimately must gather a small group of allies to restore his powers, retake his bottle, and stop a war between the gods and demons.  In the process he forms a friendship with a Chinese American who teaches the art of kite flying and his granddaughter who practices feng shui, the Oriental art of arranging landscapes and furniture in spiritually-enhancing ways.  Both are wonderfully interesting characters as is a fu dog puppy.  In fact the characters and the Chinese touches are the best reasons to read the book. 

The plot, unfortunately is a bit predictable and the main character spends the first half of the book missing the obvious.  At one point a very respected demon tells him who the culprits are, but, not believing him, the Lord Demon directly confronts those who were named betrayers without even a backup plan.  Fortunately, there is a reason for his behavior and for his human qualities although the reader does not learn this until nearly the very end.

While not as good as Zelazny's best (Amber, Lord of Light, Creatures of Light and Darkness, the Changeling, This Immortal, among others), even second-level Zelazny is better than most authors' top.  It is a fun read, exciting and in places humorous with likable and interesting characters.

 

Shrek

Reviewed by Lee Strong

 

            "This is the part where you run away." - Shrek.

            ...preferably straight to the theater to see this delightful farce.

            Shrek is a modern retelling of a traditional fairytale whose reluctant hero happens to be a very human ogre who just wants to be left alone by his neighbors.  Unfortunately, he gets snarled up in Duke Fahrqahr's slimy plans to rid his duchy of all "fairytale creatures", marry sleeping Princess Fiona, and generally overcompensate for a few shortcomings.  Will our heroes overcome some fantasy racial issues, defeat the dragon and save their ass?  Only time will tell!

            I can tell you that Shrek combines good characterization, plot, graphics, and lots of humor.  The main characters are reluctant heroes, but effective ones nonetheless, nicely combining classic bravery and modern sensibilities.  Princess Fiona is particularly well done, combining fairytale aspirations with 21st Century intelligence and verve.  Eddie Murphy's smart ass character has to seen to be believed.  And a host of minor characters drawn from many fantasy stories enliven the main plot.  Unfortunately, I should also tell you that the bathroom humor and in-jokes digging at a certain other Magic Kingdom got a bit thick.  Fortunately, they trailed off as the story developed.  The plot's also a little predictable, but fun nonetheless.

            I rate Shrek as a "B" on the high school A-F system.  - LS

`

 

The Mummy Returns

Reviewed by Lee Strong

 

            He's baacckk!  And life is good.

            Yes, Prince Imhotep rises from the tomb once again in this sequel to 1999's The Mummy.  This time, he has his own army or two (not to mention his own girlfriend and evil cult) as he reaches for world domination.  Standing in his way are the legendary Scorpion King as well as the O'Conner family and friends who are armed primarily with a few essentials such as love, honor and courage.  The plot may seem obvious but there are plenty of twists along the way, including the death of a major character.  So grab your popcorn and hang on for the ride!

            The action slam banger is loaded with thrills, chills, and spills for swashbucklers of all ages, but also a surprising amount of characterization and the finer feelings for the more subtle members of the audience.  The major plot climax actually turns on the romantic relationships of the contending factions!  The cinematography and graphics are superb, and the music isn't bad either.  If there are any weaknesses, some of the plot devices and characters seem repetitious, and why didn't the O'Conners just telephone the police and army for backup?  Nevertheless, a great action thriller for kids of all ages.

            I rate The Mummy Returns as a "B" on the high school A-F system.  - LS

 

Harry Potter meets Bill Gates

By Joe Guy

 

While performing his first magical attack, Harry's wand would be confronted with an illegal operation error and would have to be put down and picked back up again before it would be of any use... On a second attempt the spell would simply freeze for no apparent  reason and the whole thing would have to be scrapped and started from  scratch... On a  third attempt Harry's wand would turn blue with weird white gibberish written all over it  and refuse to budge... At which point Harry would call his friendly magic support technician, pay $50 a minute for help, and be told to reformat the wand and start over again... Tell me, what would be worse dealing with??? Good old Billy or a dementor ?

 

Letter from Chris Callahan

 

Belated but heartfelt THANK YOU to all who signed the card  to me in the hospital. (I'll join Procrastinators Anonymous one of these days...) I really did appreciate it. Sibley was good to me, but I was happy to go home Feb. 2. Started back to work on March 19, and will be completing 4 weeks of outpatient therapy the first week of April (the surgeon will decide on April 9 whether I continue or just keep on with the exercises on my own)

   Total bilateral knee replacement is drastic, and no fun, but even with the aches from exercises and therapy I feel like a new woman. I'm already doing better on the basement stairs than I did for the previous several months; walking around 2 or 3 blocks in the neighborhood is a breeze (even if I want a heating pad when I get home <g>). I couldn't even consider it last year, Still using the cane, of course, but I'm gradually increasing the indoor distances without it. Strengthening muscles and increasing bend in the knees are the big thing--amazing how many movements we take for granted!

   As for getting out besides work, I'm still feeling my way, building up my comfort level (psychological as well as physical).  Looking forward to Balticon, and hopefully I'll be caneless at least part of the weekend.

   Thanks again, everyone!

   Chris Callahan

 

Converting Pi to binary (DON'T DO IT!)

By Keith Lynch

 

I posted the following to the Usenet newsgroup alt.math.recreational on May 12th, as a whimsical response to someone asking whether, if one wants a lengthy binary representation of the number pi (3.14159...), to convert it from a decimal representation that someone else has already calculated, or to recalculate it from scratch in binary.

 My message has since been reposted (not by me) to the newsgroups alt.butt-keg.marmalade, alt.humor.best-of-usenet, alt.life.universe.everything, alt.religion.scientology, comp.risks, dk.videnskab, fido7.ru.linux, nz.comp, rec.humor.d, and rec.humor.funny.

It has also appeared on web pages at blog.org, brouhaha.com, codefab.com, clifford.at, cmu.edu, gweezlebur.com, jammed.com, mit.edu, ncl.ac.uk, neohapsis.com, netfunny.com, pitas.com, politechbot.com, sri.com, tastytronic.net, tom-b.com, topo.auth.gr, warezbbs.com, and yahoo.com. And, by the time you read this in the WSFA Journal, on wsfa.org and keithlynch.net as well.

At the transhumanist meeting on June 10th, someone I didn't know described this message to me, not knowing I was its author.  At the third Friday WSFA meeting on June 15th, Eric Jablow reported having been shown it by someone who didn't know that Eric knew me.  At that point others asked me about it, so I promised to submit it for the July WSFA Journal.

It's been almost as much fun as the time I unexpectedly found another, much older, humorous posting of mine included in one of Robert Anton Wilson's "non-fiction" books.

 

WARNING:  Do NOT calculate Pi in binary.  It is conjectured that this number is normal, meaning that it contains ALL finite bit strings.

If you compute it, you will be guilty of:

 

• Copyright infringement (of all books, all short stories, all   newspapers, all magazines, all web sites, all music, all movies,   and all software, including the complete Windows source code)
• Trademark infringement
• Possession of child pornography
• Espionage (unauthorized possession of top secret information)
• Possession of DVD-cracking software
• Possession of threats to the President
• Possession of everyone's SSN, everyone's credit card numbers, everyone's PIN numbers, everyone's unlisted phone numbers, and  everyone's passwords
• Defaming Islam.  Not technically illegal, but you'll have to go into hiding along with Salman Rushdie.
• Defaming Scientology.  Which IS illegal -- just ask Keith Henson.

 

Also, your computer will contain all of the nastiest known computer viruses.  In fact, all of the nastiest POSSIBLE computer viruses.

Some of the files on my PC are intensely personal, and I for one don't want you snooping through a copy of them.

You might get away with computing just a few digits, but why risk it? There's no telling how far into Pi you can go without finding the secret documents about the JFK assassination, a photograph of your neighbor's six year old daughter doing the nasty with the family dog, or a complete copy of the not-yet-released Pearl Harbor movie.  So just don't do it.

The same warning applies to e, the square root of 2, Euler's constant, Phi, the cosine of any non-zero algebraic number, and the vast majority of all other real numbers.

There's a reason why these numbers are always computed and shown in decimal, after all.

 

Divine Party

Chuck Divine will be hosting a "Friday the 13th Bastille Day Eve" party at his home in Seabrook.  Hey, Bastille Day was unlucky for the French aristocracy.  For this party he will be serving the usual beer, wine, soft drinks, snacks, plus some things with a French flavor.  Additional contributions are always welcome. 

Details:

Location: 7059 Palamar Turn, Seabrook, MD 10706

Date:  Friday, July 13th at 8 PM

Phone: (301)794-6436

E-mail: chuck.divine@worldnet.att.net

 

If people want to come via Metro, Chuck recommends they contact him first so he can arrange for them to be picked them up at the New Carrollton Metro station.

 

Treasurer's Report

WSFA for June:

 

First Friday        $25.00

Third Friday        gratis (thank you Erica), And the Madam President had a good time at Wolf Trap.

Nothing collected.

Capclave doings - the space eaters had another walkthrough in the hotel June 23rd. They are getting serious with charts and measuring tapes. Lee "Consuite Maven" Gilliland got a look at their space and did not pass out, which the Chair considers a good thing. Lastly, we have yet another sales manager for our convention. They don't even last three months at this hotel - oy!.

 

Signs Around The World

From the Internet

 

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world. 

  

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.  IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO  THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:  COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

Sign in men's rest room in Japan: TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT

In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

One of the Mathare buildings: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS  FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES

Sign in Japanese public bath: FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

 In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.