Making Light:  All of my opinions about the shooting of Representative Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) ::: January 12, 2011, 07:00 PM

Win the world's tiniest violin solo, or equivalent no-prize, for the
most far-fetched self-pitying historical metaphor.  This contest idea
comes courtesy of Randal Milholland, who gave us

  I got pants for Christmas.  I guess the store was out of
  plague-ridden blankets.

and

  I was a dick to my waitress last night and I didn't get a soda
  refill.  Did we learn nothing from the Apartheid?

My first hack is

  We've got to drive to work in the snow?  Who do they think they are,
  Napoleon?

but I think the Fluorosphere can do better.