Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet From: Dan Hoey Date: Sat, 7 Aug 1993 06:01:29 GMT Subject: [talk.bizarre] Corny but amusing From: cur...@snake.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Curtis Yarvin) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,sci.med.dentistry,misc.kids Subject: Re: Short Shameful Cornfession bout...@isis.cshl.org (Justice of the Peach) writes: >After I finished gnawing, I discovered I had a little bit o' cornstuff >wedged between my teeth. >I spent several minutes determinedly fingering away in an attempt >to remove it. >I finally got it out. Lucky bugger. As anyone who's ever made grits or dropped a corncob in the Mississippi knows, CORN EXPANDS IN WATER. Yes, boys and girls, this includes saliva. Corn is a fine American food but you must treat it with the respect it deserves. ALWAYS SWALLOW YOUR CORN! Do NOT let it loiter about in your mouth as you suck out the last tender wisps of flavor; do NOT get it stuck between your teeth. If you do, remove it with any available tools or contact a certified dental practitioner AT ONCE. Even the TINIEST SHRED of corn, it stays wet long enough, will expand to a size greater than your entire HEAD. By this time you will almost certainly be dead. If you have an especially quick tongue, you may be able to flick it out of your mouth right after it rips your teeth out, but do NOT count on this possibility. IMMEDIATE AMPUTATION is the ONLY SAFE COURSE! So be careful out there, boys and girls. Food is NOT a game. -- -- alt.humor.best-of-usenet -- -- Funniest postings from USENET, altnet, and the worlds beyond -- -- Moderator's address: b...@polaris.async.vt.edu --