Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2002 17:29:19 -0500
To: wsfalist at keithlynch.net
From: Candy Madigan <candymadigan at mindspring.com>
Subject: [WSFA] Fwd: [BCI] Wisdom, of a sort . . .
Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at keithlynch.net>

>Some of these are old, but many are good.
>
> >
> > >Here's some Wisdom for 2002.
> > >(1)    "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
> > >don't like and just give her a house."
> > >* Steven Seagal
> > >
> > >(2)    "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
> > >desirable job.  But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with
> > >it.  At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
> > >* Jeff Foxworthy
> > >
> > >(3)    "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and
> > >only enough blood to run one at a time."
> > >* Robin Williams
> > >
> > >(4)    "If a woman has to choose between catching a flyball and saving
> > >an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
> > >considering if there is a man on base."
> > >* Dave Barry
> > >
> > >(5)    "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on
> > >them?"
> > >* Marilyn Pittman
> > >
> > >(6)    "Relationships are hard.  It's like a full time job, and we
> > >should treat it like one.  If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to
> > >leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be
> > >severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a
> > >temp."
> > >* Bob Ettinger
> > >
> > >(7)    "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her to a
> > >lake and threw her off the boat.  I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to
> > >teach you how to swim."
> > >* Paula Poundstone
> > >
> > >(8)    "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
> > >verbal skills than men.  I just want to say to the authors of that
> > >study: Uh."
> > >* Conan O'Brien
> > >
> > >(9)    "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?  I'm halfway
> > >through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my goodness... I could be
> > >eating a slow learner."
> > >* Lynda Montgomery
> > >
> > >(10)   "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes
> > >out with a riding vacuum cleaner."
> > >* Roseanne
> > >
> > >11)    "I think that's how Chicago got started.  A bunch of people in
> > >New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just
> > >isn't cold enough.  Let's go west.'"
> > >* Richard Jeni
> > >
> > >(12)   "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
> > >impersonators would be dead."
> > >* Johnny Carson
> > >
> > >(13)   "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
> > >* Paul Rodriguez
> > >
> > >(14)   "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they are Jewish
> > >and they turned sixty, and that's the law."
> > >* Jerry Seinfeld
> > >
> > >(15)   "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up
> > >quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.  What is the
> > >logic?  Do tall people burn slower?"
> > >* Warren Hutcherson
> > >
> > >(16)   "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many:  Monogamy is the
> > >same."
> > >* Oscar Wilde
> > >
> > >(17)   "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not  ready for an
> > >institution yet."
> > >* Mae West
> > >
> > >(18)   "Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of
> > >Congress..., Oh..., but I repeat myself."
> > >* Mark Twain
> > >
> > >(19)   "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
> > >At least they can find Kuwait."
> > >* A. Whitney Brown
> > >
> > >(20)   "Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a
> > >man's genitals through his wallet,"
> > >* Robin Williams
> > >
> > >(21)   "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it
> > >as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
> > >
> > >* Roseanne
> > >
> > >(22)   "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
> > >you a look that says, 'My God, you're right!  I never would've thought
> > >of that!'"
> > >* Dave Barry
> > >
> > >(23)   "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
> > >* George Carlin
> > >
> > >(24)   "When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died
> > >peacefully in her sleep.  Not screaming like all the passengers in her
> > >car."
> > >* Author Unknown
> > >
> > >(25)   Advice for the day:  If you have a lot of tension and you get a
> > >headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:  "Take two aspirin" and
> > >"Keep away from children."
> > >(26)   "Oh, you hate your job?  Why didn't you say so?  There's a
> > >support group for that.  It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the
> > >bar."
> > >* Dave Carey
> > >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp.
>
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