To: WSFAlist at keithlynch.net
Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 00:48:24 -0400
Subject: [WSFA] Fw: today's quotation quota
From: ronkean at juno.com
Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at keithlynch.net>

>"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
>over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like
>that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
>-- Mariah Carey
>

>"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
>crime rates in the country,"
>-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
>
>"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
>-- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.
>
>"That low-down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and
>I'm just the one to do it."
>-- A congressional candidate in Texas.
>
>"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country
>away from them. There were great numbers of people
>who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly
>trying to keep it for themselves."
>-- John Wayne
>
>"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
>-- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
>
>"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the  impurities

>in our air and water that are doing it."
>-- Al Gore, Vice President
>
>"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and
>butter will be cut right out from under your feet,"
>-- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.
>
>"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
>-- Dan Quayle
>
>"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds
>could go one way or another"
>-- George Bush, US President
>
>"We've got to pause and ask ourselves:
>How much clean air do we need?"
>-- Lee Ioccoa
>
>"I was provided with additional input that was radically
>different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
>-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
>
>"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football.
>A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
>-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
>
>"We don't necessarily discriminate.
>We simply exclude certain types of people."
>-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
>
>"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
>-- Bill Clinton, President
>
>"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may
>or may not occur."
>-- Al Gore, VP
>
>"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from
>overseas."
>-- Keppel Enderbery
>
>"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
>-- Dan Quayle
>
>"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only
>regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school
>so I could converse with those people."
>-- Dan Quayle, VP
>
>"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago!"
>-- Dan Quayle, VP
>
>"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that
>is by itself. It is different from the other 49 states. Well, all
>states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
>-- Dan Quayle, VP
>
>"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
>because we received notice that you passed away. May
>God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in
>your circumstances."
>-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
>
>"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that

>Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of
>course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective
>in the police farce."
>-- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
>
>"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in
>at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout
the
>night. And the next morning, if they wake
>up dead, there'll be a record."
>-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
>
>INSTRUCTIONS
>
>In case you needed further proof that the human race is
>doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
>consumer goods:
>
>On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase
>necessary. Details inside."
>
>On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
>
>On some Swanson frozen dinners:
>"Serving suggestion: "Defrost."
>
>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
>"Do not turn upside down."
>
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
>"Product will be hot after heating."
>
>On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
>"Do not iron clothes on body."
>
>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
>" Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
>
>On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
>
>On most brands of Christmas lights:
>"For indoor or outdoor use only."
>
>On a Japanese food processor:
>"Not to be used for the other use."
>
>On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
>
>On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
>
>On a Swedish chainsaw:
>"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

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Do not attempt to teach a pig how to sing. It
wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
                                    -Anonymous
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