Date: Mon, 09 Jun 2003 15:39:34 -0400
From: "Michael Walsh" <MJW at mail.press.jhu.edu>
To: <wsfalist at keithlynch.net>
Subject: [WSFA] Anger management?
Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at keithlynch.net>

This arrived the old email inbox . . .
It was a listing on Ebay, but it's been pulled . . .

mjw
___________________________________________

You are bidding on a 600 Watt AMP + 2, twelve inch MTX subwoofers in an
enclosed box. This system is pretty sweet, its got loud distinct bass, =
nothing
to obscene, if you have an SUV or a truck this is perfect, it comes =
prewired
already, just enough to feel your music, but not to irritate anyone else, =
or
you can if you tweak it, or if your a loser who drives a Civic with a type =
R
sticker, racing stripes, blasting really bad rap music through your =
suburban
area with your pretentious "IG=C7=D6m 21 but IG=C7=D6m still in high =
school
girlfriend" while driving with your hand up on the top of the steering =
wheel
exposing your underdeveloped pasty white vitamin deficient arm and wearing
your backwards BS upside down visor hat while feeling the tacky as a =
"Florida
vacation" single diamond earring in your ear, If you are this person...with=

any luck the sun in its precise celestial positioning as you putter on
by...will reflect its scorching rays into your earring, bouncing intensely =
in
your rearview, and finally making contact with your eyes through the thin
cheap lense of $5 gas station Oakley rip off glasses.. then burning your
retnal cones into smoldering melting gobs of ocular material as you are
blinded by the purest form of energy in our known universe, and as you =
scream
no one can help or hear you because they donG=C7=D6t know whatG=C7=D6s =
going on since
the weed whacker sound of your shitty tiny little muffler which makes the
Civic sound like a 747 rages on underneath making everyone turn at disgust =
and
comment to thier husbands or wives how much of a dickweed you are by =
attaching
that automotive abnormality to your stock economical daily driver =
engineered
by Japanese Automotive specialists to fit the needs for entry level =
business
workers in their early 30's, however your pathetic looking $11,000 car =
which
you want to look like a friggin spaceship with redundant ground effects is =
now
out of control since you are blinded, and as your car plunges off the side =
of
a cliff while you scream in the purest form of terror while knowing you =
have
lived a horrid excuse for a life, by doing the bare minimum in every facet =
of
existence, while getting fired from one pathetic job to another, the =
majority
of your time spent slacking smoking dope, getting kicked out of school,
polishing your "game" on sweet innocent underage girls you eventually 'de
flower' through exhaustive yet succesful attempts to get the date rapist =
drugs
you have stashed in the glove compartment, into your poor victims drinks =
while
offering them to take the "Pepsi Challenge" while making your mother hate =
you,
and your poor father who wishes he had a daughter instead of your pathetic
ass, since a girl would be more of a man than you ever were, like the =
occasion
when you were hit in the arm by a wild pitch in little league, then you =
cried
like a fat kid who dropped his ice cream cone, I'm already envisioning you
impacting the rocks below, in a spectacular fireball ignited from the =
residue
hairspray from your girlfriend plastered in the fabric passenger seat, =
blinded
by your earring, deafened by the loud "Bling Blingin", and I will smile =
and
roll around on the ground in orgasmic delight while you are consumed by =
flames
whose intense heat and fury will liquefy your bone marrow that I will use =
to
make jelly beans out of and eat them happily at your funeral as midgets
dressed like Alex 6005321 from "A Clockwork Orange" dance around your =
coffin
to loud industrial style techno music and strobe lights, and I will sleep
soundly at night knowing another successful conquest of Darwinism has been
attained. So...you can either use the system I'm selling like the fore-
mentioned guy did, or you can buy it from this Cadet and use it properly =
and
enjoy the compliments people will give you as you pass and let them listen =
to
your outstanding taste in fine diverse music. Disclaimer: -No..Im not
crazy...Following my 8 years of Military Service as a Naval Aviator, I =
plan to
be a screenwriter. And no, you cant hire me...yet. I almost forgot, the
RESERVE is UBER low, like dirt cheap. Shipping might be a bit expensive so =
if
anyone is close to THE CITADEL, in Charleston South Carolina I can arrange =
a
delivery, or you may pick it up. Thank you, if you have any questions =
please
donG=C7=D6t hesitate to ask. My profile and feedback is immaculate. Thank =
you.
EMAIL [removed] if you need to get in contact with me for any reason.