Date: Sun, 12 Sep 2004 16:56:33 -0400 From: "Michael Walsh" <MJW at press.jhu.edu> To: <WSFAlist at WSFA.org> Subject: [WSFA] Flinty things . . . longish . . .was: Re: The World Turned Upside Down - and changes Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at WSFA.org> > myeh at wap.org 9/11/04 11:07:52 PM >>> >On Sat, 11 Sep 2004 17:41:47 -0400 > Steve Smith <sgs at aginc.net> wrote: > >> On the topic of Flynn's editing of Schmitz, I didn't >>notice any glaring >> bloopers, and I have most of Schmitz's Telzy stories in >>the original >> magazine versions. Somewhere (rasff?) Flynn defended >>his edits on the >> grounds that what he did was basically take out a couple >>of paragraphs >> of description that were repeated verbatum in each >>story. It's OK in >> the magazine version as a memory jogger, but irritating >>when you read >> the stories straight through. Not as bad as some make >>out (he didn't >> really "rewrite" anything) but still disrespectful. >> >> -- >> Steve Smith >> sgs at aginc.net >> Agincourt Computing >> http://www.aginc.net >> "Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to >>make sense." >> > What I didn't like was Eric Fling removing all the >cigarettesin Schmitz's stories, it seemed like the people >"improving" Shakespeare by modernizing the language. I >am glad to see all the stories again, but wish he had >just stuffed them in a book and reprinted them. That how >all the Howard books are reprinted. > Madeleine > As they say in sports, let's go to the videotape . . . or in this case, Google . . . Date: 2000/03/31 Message-ID: <954454425.84029 at localhost.localdomain> "The editing breaks down into petty and significant. The petty stuff is slightly updating some of the technical terminology, touching up outdated slang terms, removing about a jillion exclamation points. (Schmitz was a maniac about using them in dialogue. "Be quiet!" whispered Telzey. "Okay!" muttered her sidekick. Musta read too many comic books.) And so on and so forth. The "significant" editing (in my opinion, at least -- and I'm the editor, so there) is where I removed a chunk of material or re-arranged it. In Telzey Amberdon, there are four instances of that kind of editing. As follows: 1. The scene in chapter 1 of Undercurrents where two officials are arguing over the ethics of using psi machines was trimmed back. It's a long passage as it is, and it was even longer in the original. The problem with it, other than being intrinsically talky, is that the issues being raised are important but Schmitz never takes them up again. So it's pretty much a red herring, as it were. 2. I removed the very last section of Undercurrents (end of Chapter 7). In the original version, that section is a "coda." It takes place after the adventure is over. Some time later, Telzey is lounging around and a Psionic Cop pops into her mind. In the course of their dialogue, he gets oh-so-mysterious and tells her that "it was important" that she have that adventure and "it will be necessary" etc etc. It's very much like a cutesy version of those scenes in Doc Smith's Lensman books where Mentor the Bore is contemplating the Cosmic All and droning on to Kim Kinnison (who always talks like a dimwit even though Smith swears he's a genius) about how everything will someday make sense to him, blah blah blah... The problem with the whole thing is that... nothing ever comes of it. I assume that when Schmitz wrote that story -- he was much influenced by Doc Smith in his early career -- that he was planning to do follow up on it. But he never did, in any of the remaining 11 out of a total of 13 Telzey stories. So why bother to include it? It's completely extraneous to the story as it eventually was told. Out it goes! 3. Poltergeist, in the original, is a nice story ruined by a middle section so flabby it was horrible. Telzey droning on and on to Axwen about Psych 101 -- and managing to telegraph the "surprise" ending 3 times over - - combined with the life history of Axwen told in excruciatingly long-winded detail. Dull, dull, dull. So I gave the story a major belly-tuck. Cut 1500 words out of 7000. Reads much better now. 4. The last piece of editing was more subtle. Schmitz, like any writer, had certain characteristic weaknesses. One of his was that he often had the tendency to shove a lump of expository background material right at the start of a story. I guess he thought the reader needed to know "what it was going to be about." Bad technique, really is. It's like a mother telling her kids: "You must eat your vegetables first! You need the vitamins and minerals to get you through the story!" Sheesh. Start 'em with dessert, that's what I say. START THE STORY WITH THE STORY. Draw the reader _immediately_ into the excitement/mystery/intrigue. DO NOT make them stand around scuffling their feet while you explain how exciting a time they're going to have -- later. They'll wander off. After editing, the story now starts as follows: The two wrecked spaceships rested almost side by side near the tip of a narrow, deep arm of a great lake. The only man on the planet sat on a rocky ledge three miles uphill from the two ships, gazing broodingly down at them. Now THERE'S an opening! It's great! Schmitz was a genius! Except... in the original version, you don't get to those two sentences until you've read a page of background material -- lecture, lecture, are we having fun yet? -- which is not only dull but telegraphs the punch. By the time you get to those two great sentences there's no mystery at all about _who_ is this mysterious brooding man? You know exactly who he is and can figure out why he's there. Marvelous... Out it goes! Background should only be brought it as needed and _when_ needed. So I cut the first page or so of the story, and then reinserted everything in it which the reader actually _had_ to know when it was necessary for them to know it. I had to do a smidgen of rewriting to make it read like dialogue instead of a lecture. Did a good job, too, if I say so myself. If anybody's interested, when the book comes out look on p. 398. Most of that dialogue between Dasinger and Duomart was originally the opening page of the story, presented in the form of background exposition. Betcha you couldn't have told it wasn't real dialogue, if I hadn't spilled the beans. :) Honest bear. Sneaky, but honest. ________________________________End of quote. In an alternate universe Baen published the Schmitz stories with an openig something like this: Dear Reader, Welcome to the world of James H. Schmitz, one of the great talents of the of the SF field. We are reprinting his works as was orignially published in either the collections put together by James H Schmitz, or in the case of uncollected stories, as first published. Who are we to re-edit works made ready for magazine publication by the likes of John W. Campbell, H. L. Gold, and Frederik Pohl. We thought of updating some of the technology (slide rules?), some of the social customs that have have changed (so much smoking in the future!), but we thought better of it. As a reader of science fiction you are prepared to deal with strange new worlds and we knew you would understand that clasisc stories, regardless of when written, remain classic. Imagine the furor if we had issued "updated" Sherlock Holmes stories! So, go forth, read, and enjoy! _________________________ (or words to that effect) . . . . I'm soooooooo glad he couldn't get his hands on the Clifford Simak books. "Not enough action scenes in Way Station. It all takes place out in the boonies of Wisconsin, jeeze! Sequels! We need sequels! Quick, call Misty Lackey, John Ringo, Dave Freer . . . maybe between the four of us we can equal Simak!" mjw