From: "Ernest Lilley" <elilley at mindspring.com>
To: "'WSFA members'" <WSFAlist at WSFA.org>
Subject: [WSFA] Do you find children terrifying? Find out why in "The Cuddly Menace"
Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2005 17:27:57 -0500
Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at WSFA.org>

I stumbled across this bit while looking for something legit. Honest.

Ernest Lilley

The Cuddly Menace

I was in a supermarket recently searching for a brown
mustard-and-conditioner in one. It was while I was reading the ingredient
label on a jar of Gouldens Dry Scalp Formula that I looked to the children's
book rack and there spied the title "My Little Golden Book About God."

Now as anyone knows, my interest in life's headiest metaphysical mystery has
led me on some stange journeys; from the highest mountain peaks of Peru to
snort crystalized alpaca urine with an Incan shaman to the sewers beneath
Istanbul to read 900-year old grafitti scrawled by the heretical Saint
Phoqallyall. Having found no theological resolution in these rarified
encounters I have left the door open to the chance that sublime truth may be
found where I least expect it.

So it was with genuine anticipation that I opened the book, curious to know
what the people at Little Golden Books believed small children who stick
Beeferoni up their noses could absorb about the Inscrutible One.

You cannot imagine my horror, however, when my eyes met pages filled with
saccharine, pastel artwork depicting cold-eyed androids that were clearly
not of our realm. In a Beautiful Mind moment of schizophrenic clarity I saw
the book for what it was: not a gentle introduction to life's most profound
curiosity, but a primer for the parasitic offspring of an invisible
invasion!

For the safety of our race (if any still remain) I have translated this book
in the hopes that a resistance may arise. Read the baby powder scented Final
Solution of our enemies from beyond, otherwise known as : The Cuddly Menace

http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/zogg/zogg1.html