From: MarkLFischer at aol.com
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 11:10:13 EST
Subject: [WSFA] Re: FW: THE LIFE OF A SAILOR!
To: WSFAlist at WSFA.org
Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at WSFA.org>

In a message dated 3/30/2005 9:15:06 AM Eastern Standard Time,
elilley at mindspring.com writes:

>HOW TO SIMULATE THE LIFE OF A SAILOR!

The submarine service has its own variations on that theme:

Don't eat any food that you don't get out of a can or have to add water  to.

Spend as much time as possible indoors and avoid sunlight. Hang out in such
areas as dark theaters, windowless buildings, closets, etc.

Repeat back everything anyone says to you. Repeat back everything anyone
says to you.

Sit in front of your TV set, with the antenna disconnected and watch for 6
hours. Report any unusual static patterns.

Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to  "High".

Don't watch T.V. Instead setup a 16mm projector and only watch movies that
you don't like.

Announce "Commence Snorkling!" Setup your lawnmower in your living room and
run for at least 1 hour. Periodically hold your nose and mouth shut and try to
 blow out your eardrums.

Get a clipboard, paper, and leaky black ink pen, then take hourly readings
on your electric and gas meters.

Get some broken exercise equipment and mount it to the floor in your  kitchen.

Store up all garbage for a week in your bathtub. Compact and dispose of  once
a week.

Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a
couple of months.

Store your eggs in your garage for two months and then cook a dozen each
morning.

Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and  lie
under it to read books.

Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard
around your neck.

Every so often, yell "Emergency Deep!" or "Torpedo in the Water!", run into
the kitchen, sweep all pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor.
Then,  yell at your wife for not having the place "stowed for sea".

After 60 days or so; go load up the family in a taxi, go out to the worst
part of town (preferably where English is a second language), and have dinner at
 the most run down bar or  restaurant available.

Buy all food in cases and line the floor with them.

Stand on your roof once every four days for six hours in the winter and
don't let anyone in your house.

Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of
these two rolls is wet at all times.

Hookup your air compressor to the sewer line to the house and blow  a sewage
geyser ten feet in the air. Come in side and tell your wife,  calmly, "I
forgot to shut the valve", and have her clean it  up.