Date: Wed, 18 May 2005 22:04:18 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Keith F. Lynch" <kfl at KeithLynch.net>
To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at WSFA.org>
Subject: [WSFA] Fwd: Panic in the streets!
Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at WSFA.org>

Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
From: Paul Tomblin <ptomblin at xcski.com>

Newsgroups: rec.aviation.piloting
From: "Bob Chilcoat" <viewptmd at optonlineREMOVE.net>

Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown

May 13, 2005, Washington DC (AP) -- Terror and panic again visited
Washington Today.  This morning at 8:47 AM. traffic control personnel
were suddenly aware that a 2003 Ford Fiesta, driven by an as yet
unidentified driver, was entering the Washington DC City Center, and
no one knew why it was there.  Swat teams were immediately notified,
and an effort was made to intercept the errant vehicle.  Two DC Ford
Police Interceptors were dispatched in an effort to identify and
apprehend the driver.

In the meantime, Capitol Security notified the Senate and the House
of Representatives that the building was to be evacuated immediately
because there was the potential that the Fiesta might be carrying a
small nuclear weapon.  Near panic ensued as Senators, Congressmen and
various aides and lobbyists ran outside away from the buildings, or
into underground bomb shelters.  It was reported that there were
several injuries as people were trampled in the melee.

At the White House, President Bush and the White House staff evacuated
to the secure bunker below the West Wing, and the Vice President was
whisked to an undisclosed location under his desk.  For the next
twenty minutes, all government work stopped while everyone in
Washington attempted to cover their behinds.

The Fiesta was finally re-acquired on Connecticut Avenue by Police and
Federal Security Agents, less than a mile from the White House.  It is
understood that with the vehicle so close to so many important people,
a decision to fire on it with anti-tank missiles was only seconds way
when the car suddenly stopped at a Dunkin Donuts.  The driver was
immediately tackled by approximately 20 uniformed and plain-clothes
personnel, handcuffed, bundled into an unmarked GMC Envoy, and driven
away.  Eyewitnesses described the driver as a middle-aged woman with
gray hair.  The car was towed away by DC Police, presumably to be
thoroughly searched for explosives or biological agents.

Thomas Nimrod, spokesman for the Federal Office Of Lamentable Security
(FOOLS), issued the following statement this afternoon:

"A suspected terrorist was apprehended today after gaining access to
an uncomfortable proximity to the White House.  Investigations are
continuing, but it is beginning to appear that the suspect may have
been a commuter who was looking for a cup of coffee on the way to
work.  We will keep the media informed of further developments.
In the meantime, let me reassure you that the system worked.  Even
if this particular incident proves to be a false alarm, it clearly
demonstrates the risk that uncontrolled vehicles represent.  We will
continue with our diligent efforts to protect the very important
people in our Capital."

--
Bob (Chief Pilot, White Knuckle Airways)