Date: Sun, 03 Jun 2007 22:10:05 -0400
To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at KeithLynch.net>
Subject: [WSFA] Re: We have a small restaurant
From: Eva Whitley <eva.whitley at gmail.com>
Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at KeithLynch.net>

ronkean at juno.com wrote:
> <Intro snipped for bandwidth>

>
> Keith has apparently been accused of not leaving one or more social
> events when asked, and/or arguing about it with the host.  I know Keith
> well enough to believe him when he says he would not try to stay beyond
> the ending time of a party, so I wonder if perhaps the starting point of
> the controversy was just different people having different
> interpretations of the same events, compounded by possibly hazy
> recollection and mixing together more than one incident.  For example, a
> host may have said that "the party seems to be really winding down now"
> intending give a hint that it now time for the remaining attendees to
> conclude their conversations and leave.  Keith may have heard the
> statement, taken it at face value, and remarked to the effect that no, it
> seems people are still going strong and enjoying the party.  Or perhaps
> Keith just looked quizzical and said something skeptical.  The host might
> remember such an exchange as Keith being asked to leave and arguing about
> it, whereas Keith, if he remembers the exchange at all, does not remember
> it as argumentative of a request that him and others should begin to
> leave.
>
> It is a small step from having a simple disagreement over the facts of an
> event, to a belief that the other party may be intentionally
> misrepresenting the facts - lying.  Once people accuse each other of
> lying, positions harden and it becomes difficult or impossible to
> reconcile.
>

Excellent point! My experience with people with autism spectrum
disorders (however, I do not, not even for a minute, think Keith is on
this spectrum, or if he is, so are most people in fandom) is that they
would probably interpret the situation more like Keith than I do.

I was wincing reading Keith's account of this confrontation because I
have far too many experiences with not reading social "cues" and reading
between the lines. Also, I bring to this exchange the baggage of why I
do not attend WSFA anymore (with two exceptions) since 1994. (Anyone who
wants to hear why --a story that involves a bizarre experience with
someone walking off with books from my  house compounded with someone
having expectations of my-then toddler son, who presented as older than
he was, due to IQ and size, but interacted as a much younger child due
to Asperger's Syndrome, is invited to inquire off-list. I suspect many
here are sick of the story because, frankly I'M sick of it.)

This is a good meta-analysis of the discussion, and I thank you for
verbalizing it. --Eva Whitley