Date: Thu, 26 Jun 2003 00:16:21 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Keith F. Lynch" <kfl at KeithLynch.net>
To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at KeithLynch.net>
Subject: [WSFA] Crazy stuff (was Re: bees on the wing)
Reply-To: WSFA members <WSFAlist at keithlynch.net>

"Lawhorn, William - BLS" <Lawhorn.William at bls.gov> wrote:

> Has anyone ever told you that you're all truckin crazy?

That's not crazy.  You want crazy?

THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1

5 Questions, 60 Minutes.

You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the
Book of Mormon.  The speed of light is c.  Show all work.  For all
problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D.
No praying during the exam.

1. (20 pts.)  Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner.  God loves
each an equal amount L_0.  Bob then accelerates to .9c.  In Joe's rest
frame, how much does God now love Bob?

2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace.  He then has sex with sheep S.

  a. (8 pts.)  What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act
  if the sheep was not willing?

  b. (12 pts.)  What if the sheep, while not technically being willing,
  could not be said to mind either?

3. (20 pts.)  Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be
the xy plane.  Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling
at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis.  Everything is in
Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational
Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe.  At what time t will Sue
be saved?  (Hint: Assume a point soul.)

4. (20 pts.)  Assume the Rapture occurs at time t.  Cornelia, a saved
human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing
jaws of an alligator at time t.  What mass of meat will remain to the
alligator at time t + 10 sec.?

5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state.  His sin
level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals.  He eats .3 kg of pork,
and enjoys it very much.  Assume that the Jews are right about, well,
pretty much, everything.

  a. (10 pts.)  What is Stan's sin level now?

  b. (10 pts.)  Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons.
  He ain't so damn smug now, is he?

Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine
undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord.
How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?

Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
--
Keith F. Lynch - kfl at keithlynch.net - http://keithlynch.net/
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